It's not fair..

Why? Why do people get sick? Why do they get sick and die? It's not fair. It's not fair to the family. It's not fair to the person. It's just not fair. And I don't want to hear that crap that everything happens for a reason. This man.. He means the world to his family and now they're losing him? How does that have a reason? How is that even right? He won't see his son get married.. either of them. He won't be there to support him at his soccer games, or graduation. He'll miss some of the most important parts of his kids life. How is that fair? How can someone just be okay with this? Why? How can someone just.. get over that? How could you look at your kids and tell them daddy won't be around much longer, even if they knew he was sick? How could you handle that? How could you.. Not break? Not be angry? Not wonder how anything like this is right, fair.. sane.. It's just. It's just not fair. Not to anyone.

Ever feel alone? empty? worthless? abandoned? Like you're never going to amount to anything? Welcome to everyday of my life. To some people I'm perfect, because I put on a face. I can smile through all the pain I feel, I can laugh even when I would rather cry, I can crack jokes even when I don't want to speak. I can fool pretty much anyone and lie without blinking. It's not like I want to, but in this day and age if you show a weakness people take it as a sign to target you, and I'm not one to let people target me. I'm a fighter, always have been always will be. I'm the girl that everyone is always sort of afraid of because they never truly know what I'm thinking. They never truly know if I'll do what I'm saying I'll do. I'm the mystery girl and I like it that way. But sometimes it sucks to be so closed up, because you have no one to talk to. You always feel like there's no one you can trust. You may wonder why I'm posting any of this but this is how I'll get my feelings out. This is how I'll talk without anyone really knowing who I am. This is my escape. I hope you enjoy.